when sexuality disappoints

Dear friends,
This week I received an email from a staff member at IVP who came across my book, and I couldn’t wait to share it with you all:

My friend and I were talking today about how crazy good your book is. We’re both 23 and wish we would have read it in high school or did a small group bible study with it at the time because that was when our view of sex was distorted. And yet, reading it now we realize how applicable it is to women of all ages and I told my guy friend he should read it too (honestly, I think men should read it). I love how you focus on personhood and the whole of sexuality. I have a lot of wounds related to the topic and I’m finding it healing and refreshing to read something profound & blunt, yet so focused on redemption too. Bless you for writing this book. I doubt it was easy, but I’m so glad you did. Be encouraged.”  

I am SO encouraged and so thankful to this young woman for taking the time to reach out and share her experience with me. Writing this book has been hard — so very hard — but so good too. And I am grateful for the opportunity to speak words of God’s grace and love, truth and redemption into women’s lives.

Today I am excited to share another excerpt from my book, which comes out in just one week!

In Things Your Mother Never Told You, various sources of disappointment and confusion in our lived experiences of sexuality are explored, and how to grow in wholeness in our sexuality. I hope you will enjoy this excerpt.

AND… if you haven’t ordered your own copy yet, you have a few more days to get it for just $9!! See the end of this post for more details and a discount code!

The Up-All-Night-Screamer

When I was pregnant with my first child I used to imagine what it would be like once our baby boy arrived.Images from Gerber commercials invaded my mind as I pictured my husband and I snuggling each other and our little one, holding hands and gazing into our baby’s eyes. With eyes welling up with tears, we would admire each other for the beautiful child we had created.

Thankfully, we did have moments like those – and they were precious and sacred – but we also had other kinds of moments. Moments like the night when, after having not slept more than 3 hours in a row for weeks, I was wandering the house at four am with blood-curdling screaming in my ear after having fed, rocked, changed and done any number of dance moves and lullabies for my baby. Instead of sweet looks of appreciation at my husband for his fine baby-making skills, I gruffly woke him and borderline tossed the baby at him while barking, “You take him now!” Although this is a scene that many parents may relate to, it is not the stuff of baby food commercials.

Sometimes reality does not meet our expectations. So it is with our sexuality. Most of us grow up assuming that our life will lead to a Hollywood style Happily Ever After: we will meet a great guy, get married, buy a nice house and have some cute kids. In the fairy tale, couples always still feel as sexually attracted to each other as the day they met. They have an exciting and spontaneous sex life, in which each partner has as much great sex as they want.

What happens when the realities of life do not meet our expectations? Sexuality is a gift, and it is good.This is what sexuality is, but it may not necessarily be what sexuality feels like to us. Perhaps you have never married and are tired of feeling like you have no outlet for your sexual desires and longings for intimacy. Maybe you are single again after being divorced or widowed, and you are missing the opportunity for sexual expression inherent in marriage. Perhaps you are currently married but disappointed in your sexual relationship, because of boredom, pain, dysfunction, or lack of desire. You might be experiencing the challenge of living as a sexual being in the midst of challenges like infertility, pregnancy, or menopause. Perhaps your frustration is related to your partner’s desire or sexual performance.

While we may long to experience our sexuality as God designed it, the reality of our lives and circumstances sometimes leads to feelings of isolation, disappointment and guilt. We think we’re getting the Gerber baby, and instead we get the up-all-night-screamer.

Read more about coping with disappointment in your sexuality in Things Your Mother Never Told You

Taken from Things Your Mother Never Told You by Kim Eckert. Copyright (c) 2014 by Kim Gaines Eckert. Used by permission of InterVarsity Press, P.O. Box 1400, Downers Grove  IL 60515-1426.

To Order Things Your Mother Never Told You for only $9… Click here and enter code 506-371 at checkout. This code is only good through January, and you have to order $25 to get free shipping, so order a few copies or pick up some great IVP titles (like Sacred Rhythms by Ruth Haley Barton or Refuse to Do Nothing by Shayne Moore…)

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